and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
