Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
