She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
