Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
