I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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