I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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