If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
