Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
