I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
