I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
