if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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