he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
