After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
