I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
