I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
