please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
