I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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