Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
