put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
