her vagine was all disorganized.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
