we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
