i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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