He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
