i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
