but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
