i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
