I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
