I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
