There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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