i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
