dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
