Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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