Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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