What did we do last night that was yellow?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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