I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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