Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
