Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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