My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
sex in a hospital.. check
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
