Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
