Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
