I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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