I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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