John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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