Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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