$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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