I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
