All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
