Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
