I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
