I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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