o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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