It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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