My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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