We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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