As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
