You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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